Past Trauma Sent One Writer On Admirable Quest
Our past plays a role in the person we become. Sometimes we’re so affected by a traumatic experience that it sets our life on a new path, on the selfless road to help others. Readers of this blog know I never post two guests in a row, but I made an exception for a special author who’s dedicated his life to helping women. Please help me welcome TJ Shipley. His personal story is a powerful one.
Side note: Throughout the post, I’ve linked to several posts that deal with self-defense techniques, with instructions. Hope they help anyone who might need them, whether in fiction or in the real world. I’ll be posting some fascinating research during the week, so stay tuned for that. 🙂
Welcome to Murder Blog, TJ!!!
Thanks, Sue!
When Sue graciously offered to let me write a guest post for her blog, she asked me to tell the story of how I got involved in teaching courses in Sexual Assault Awareness and Street Defense. I’ve been teaching courses to a wide range of people and organizations for over 25 years. This included the DoD, local law enforcement, university classes, security forces, community classes, women’s shelters and crisis centers that deal with sexual assault and rape, as well as support rape survivors.
When I was in college in 1977, I was dating a very sweet girl who was going to be a teacher. Spring semester during her student teaching we had a date, but when I went to pick her up she didn’t answer her door. I knocked several times, loudly, but no answer. I went to a phone at a restaurant nearby and when I called no one answered. This was completely out of character for her.
I was extremely worried and waited about an hour before calling again. When she answered, she was crying. All she said was, “The police are here; I was raped.” I rushed back to her apartment. The police were still there and her apartment had black fingerprint powder residue everywhere, especially the phone hanging on the wall. She was still crying but was still coherent and answering questions. When I got there all she wanted to do was hug me.
A man she didn’t recognize had followed her into her apartment building. When she got to her door, he put a gun to the back of her head and forced her into the apartment. Once inside, he told her he had a partner who was holding an elderly couple at gunpoint in the apartment below hers. If she screamed, they would die. He then did something really surprising. He grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and, while holding the gun on her, calmly called his sister on my girlfriend’s phone. He said he was on a date but just checking in while his date got ready.
He then forced her into her back bedroom and forcibly removed her clothes. At that point I showed up and knocked on the door. He stuck the gun in her mouth and told her if she screamed he would kill anyone who came through the door. Then he would shoot her. She stayed silent. It was a cheap apartment with a flimsy door. Which I could have easily busted through if she had screamed. But she was smart enough to know that. So, to protect me she kept quiet. Details of the attack aren’t necessary. After she was raped, he simply got up, threatened her to not call the police, and left.
I spent the night with her just listening when she talked, holding her so she would feel safe. That was one of the roughest nights in my life. I was mad, I felt helpless as she curled against me, and I wanted to kill him. I can’t even imagine what that night, or many nights to follow, were like for her. It had to be an emotional nightmare.
Later, the police informed her they knew who her rapist was, but it would be tough to convict him. He’d attacked several other women, who were either afraid to testify or the DA felt their “backgrounds” would hurt their testimony. Translated, that meant he’d raped hookers and women he thought he could intimidate.
He underestimated my friend. She was amazingly strong and willing to testify.
The DA wasn’t willing to prosecute because he said the case was weak, that it looked bad because the rapist drank a beer and called his sister from her apartment and said he was on a date. The strongest irrefutable evidence against him, his fingerprints all over her apartment and the call, but both were being used as his own defense. That’s his MO. He said there was a partner and threatened to hurt someone else if the victim screamed, and then he’d leave evidence to make it look like the act was consensual.
My friend was an extremely strong person who recovered and went on to become a teacher. I know it affected me for the rest of my life and I was only her boyfriend. I’m sure she’s still haunted by that night. Fortunately, she was amazingly tough and did go on with her life. I found out later that many women who are attacked never do.
I joined the Air Force and had a busy career. I had studied law enforcement, sociology and psychology, including specialized and advanced courses in social deviance and violence. I had wrestled for years, so after joining the AF, I began martial arts training. After I’d earned my black belt, I taught martial arts part-time for fun. That’s when I discovered that most Rape Defense courses were really mini-martial arts recruitment courses that were mostly useless for real self-defense. I recognized that few people teaching martial arts had any knowledge about sexual assault and rape.
I believed in lowering the risks by teaching women awareness of warning flags through an understanding of sexual predator behaviors and tactics. This way, they have a chance to recognize and avoid a potential attack. I wanted the second part of the course to be on self-defense skills so women could escape if necessary.
I began working with a crisis center and developed my first full course for their employees and volunteers, for victims they worked with, and the general public classes sponsored by the crisis center. After that beginning, I began doing much more research, including later reaching out to friends in the FBI and having access to DOJ and national law enforcement data.
As a way to give back, I’ve never charged for this training. I was personally affected by seeing the aftermath of rape, including the physical and psychological pain it caused. I’m hopeful that a DA now would be willing to prosecute under similar circumstances. The laws have improved, but they are still far from perfect.
To me, the best thing I can do is try to help women recognize a threat and try to avoid it; and if unable, use realistic self-defense techniques to try and get away. I also include the use of non-traditional weapons you can always carry or have around your home (fire extinguisher, ice scraper, pen, belt, etc.) I inform women they always have choices, that whether they fight or not is their right to choose, and whatever they choose is the right answer for them. As a victim, survival from an attack is winning.
My friend didn’t fight back during the attack. She was psychologically compromised by threats against her elderly neighbors 
and against me. The rest of the time she had a gun pointed at her. Under the circumstances, I’m absolutely certain she made the best choice for her. She later found out there was no partner, but there was an elderly couple who lived under her and she took the threat seriously. Even though she did not fight back during the attack, she bravely fought back afterward, giving specific details, a great description of her rapist, and a willingness to face a trial and tell her story in public. The legal system failed her, but she was a fighter when she was able to be. I admire her courage.
“You reap what you sow” is a passage I believe. Or maybe, it’s simply Karma. Being aware of the threats that are really out there, I taught my children awareness at an early age. My two sons were approached walking home from elementary school by a guy trying to get them into his truck so he could “take a picture so your parents can see you in the newspaper tomorrow.” They ran away together and went to the police, who put out an APB.
My daughter in college had someone in a bar try to drag her away. Because of her training, she was able to escape, even though he was much larger. She is not a martial artist, but she did remember to yell for help and how to get her arm free from his grasp.
I sincerely hope that I have helped my students as much as this training has for my own family.
I’m sure you have, TJ. As a woman, I’d like to personally thank you for your dedication.
TJ Shipley was a USAF officer who flew on E-3 AWACs aircraft for over 10 years, providing Command and Control for real world operational missions. He was Exceptionally Qualified, awarded two Air Medals, and flew 58 combat and combat support missions. After the AF, he joined the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and TSA. As the Assistant Federal Security Director, he was responsible for operational security for the State of Montana, and then SE Alaska. He attended FBI specialized training courses on Violent and Deadly Assaults, and worked and coordinated with the FBI regularly as well as most federal, state and local law enforcement agencies.
TJ is a World Taekwondo Federation certified Black Belt Instructor. For over 25 years he provided no costs sexual assault awareness and Sexual Assault Awareness training and Street Defense training classes for Crisis Centers, Women’s Shelters, universities, university security forces, law enforcement, the AF, and many private organizations. He developed training classes specifically for victims of rape, sexual assault, and stalking through Crisis Centers.
He has woven this extensive real world experience throughout Deadly Frost, the story of a deadly conflict between a good but haunted man against evil personified. The story is at times maddening in its depiction of injustice, terrifying and graphic in its descriptions of evil; exciting with realistic action and fight scenes, and at other times is touching or hilarious.
Connect with TJ on his website: https://www.tjshipleywrite.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/tjshipleywrite
Twitter: @TJShipley2
Email: Tjshipleywrite@gmail.com
If you enjoyed this post, please share. Thank you!
Sue Coletta
Sue Coletta is an award-winning crime writer and an active member of Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, and International Thriller Writers. Feedspot and Expertido.org named her Murder Blog as “Best 100 Crime Blogs on the Net.” She also blogs on the Kill Zone (Writer's Digest "101 Best Websites for Writers"), Writers Helping Writers, and StoryEmpire. Sue lives with her husband in the Lakes Region of New Hampshire. Her backlist includes psychological thrillers, the Mayhem Series (books 1-3) and Grafton County Series, and true crime/narrative nonfiction. Now, she exclusively writes eco-thrillers, Mayhem Series (books 4-9 and continuing). Sue's appeared on the Emmy award-winning true crime series, Storm of Suspicion, and three episodes of A Time to Kill on Investigation Discovery. When she's not writing, she loves spending time with her murder of crows, who live free but come when called by name. And nature feeds her soul.
36 Comments
pat
Thanks, T.J. for this helpful information and to Sue for having you as a guest. 🙂 — Suzanne
Sue Coletta
My pleasure, Suzanne. 🙂
TJ Shipley
Thank you Pat, and I appreciate your letting Sue know!
TJ
Staci Troilo
Both of my kids studied WTF tae kwon do. My son earned his second degree black belt; my daughter earned her first degree. Even with that training, I worry for their safety. You just never know what threats are out there.
What you do, TJ… it’s priceless. Thank you.
Sue Coletta
So true, Staci. You just never know.
TJ Shipley
Staci,
I taught TKD for many years and it is a wonderful martial art to practice. I’m sure they had great instructors that taught them to recognize and avoid rather than fight unless they have no choice. But they are much better prepared to defend themselves if necessary. Good job Mom!
Staci Troilo
They had EXCELLENT instructors. One competed at the Olympics, two trained at the Olympic training center (Texas, I think), and all stressed the importance of fighting as a last resort and never as the instigator. The kids also learned a lot of self-defense techniques, which I really appreciated. I wish we hadn’t had to move from that state. While they made good friends here, I really miss that school.
TJ Shipley
Staci – that’s awesome. Too many instructors teach martial arts as a way to fight and defend, but they don’t spend much time on avoidance and using your skills only as a last resort. Great instructors teach the philosophy, not just the fighting. Glad your kids had great instructors. TV and movies make most people think you can hit someone because you have the ability to punish jerks. In real life that will get you involved in an escalating situation where people get hurt or killed, or you get charged with assault.
I understand missing the school. Really great martial arts schools often foster a great atmosphere with like minded people.
Staci Troilo
I thought the philosophy was incredibly important. That was one of the reasons we chose that school. I love your attitude about it. And I agree with you about the entertainment media—they really portray it wrong.
It was great chatting with you. Loved your post (and these comments).
TJ Shipley
Thanks Staci,
All the best to you and your family.
Staci Troilo
Likewise to you and yours.
J Holmes
This is an excellent post–thank you, TJ, for all you do to empower people, men and women. As my daughter is going off to college to start her freshman year, I think of these things often. (interestingly, I never really worried about my son when he went off to college).
Sue Coletta
Isn’t it funny how we don’t worry boys as much as girls? Interestingly enough, however, statistics show more men are murdered in a given year than women. Sexual assault, of course, is a different matter.
TJ Shipley
Hi J,
Sue is absolutely dead on. Girls are at much higher risk for sexual assault, but they aren’t murdered nearly as often, especially in a sexual assault. One of the fallacies that TV and movies perpetuate is that women are often killed during sexual attacks. This is actually true in less than one percent of all attacks. But again, (beating my drum) recognizing a threat and avoiding the situation is always the best survival technique.
DoctorDiva
I’ve been taking Krav Maga for a year and a half since my then 16 year old daughter asked me to enroll her in a self defense course. We did it together. Krav Maga is Israeli based self defense and has some elements of some martial arts but it is based on real life street fighting. I’m 56 and feel much safer now that I know how to strip a gun/knife from an assailants hands, kick, scream, punch and elbow my way out of a situation. Thank you David for your courses and I can’t wait to read your books.
Sue Coletta
Good for you, DoctorDiva! It sounds like an assailant would be stupid to mess with you. 🙂
TJ Shipley
Congratulations DoctorDiva for taking this step for your daughter and yourself! My daughter has always been grateful that I took the time to teach her and she is always shocked at how little awareness of threats or knowledge of how to respond most of her friends have. I’m sure your daughter appreciates you for this as well.
Barbara
We need more men like TJ Shipley in the world.
Thank you sir.
Sue Coletta
We do indeed, Barbara. 🙂
TJ Shipley
Thank you Barbara. Your kind words are much appreciated.
Garry Rodgers
Strong and emotional story, TJ & Sue. I’m all for women taking self-defense training and being aware of what they can instantly turn into a weapon if need be. But, it’s virtually impossible to respond/fight back with a gun pointed at her head. I think the victim here did exactly the right thing in this situation – she’s still alive to tell her story.
I’m surprised the DA wouldn’t put her story before a jury, and let them make a decision on truth. Apparently, this was a stranger-to-stranger crime and proving his identity was not an issue. That only left consent to argue, and it would require putting the accused on the stand where a prosecutor could go for his throat. There might be a bit more to the evidence because this looks far more than a “he-said, she-said” report.
Thanks for your public service, TJ, and for your help towards protecting women, And thanks for hosting him, Sue!
Sue Coletta
I agree, Garry. TJ’s girlfriend made the right move that night. Under the circumstances, the attacker had the upper-hand and there’s nothing she could do about it. Especially with the added threat to those she cared about. The DA not prosecuting the case is disgraceful, but unfortunately, years ago rape victims rarely received justice for various reasons (as you know).
TJ Shipley
Thank you Barbara. Your kind words are much appreciated.
TJ Shipley
Thank you Garry. My friend wanted an opportunity to stop this guy from doing this to someone else. Back in the 1970s it was a different world in law enforcement and the justice system. Back then, in most places, unless it was a slam dunk case with witnesses, or unless someone was beaten with visible bruising showing they fought back, many prosecutors wouldn’t prosecute the case. Again, there were other women willing to testify. But the other victims that would testify were hookers, and they were not considered viable witnesses.
It is still a terribly flawed system, but is dramatically better than 40 years ago.
Book Club Mom
Thank goodness for men like T.J. and the help he has provided in teaching women how to defend themselves. I am glad his college girlfriend acted as smartly as she did, to save her own life and T.J.’s too. And that she was able to move past this bad experience.
Sue Coletta
I agree, Book Club Mom. She lived to tell the tale, and that alone makes her a winner. I can’t even imagine the horror she experience that night. Thankfully, her story has a happy ending. Too many don’t, sadly.
TJ Shipley
Thank you Book Club Mom. I am extremely proud of how she went on to overcome this horrible assault and became a teacher. She is a strong and brave woman who taught me much about handling personal tragedy.
Jordan Sands
Aloha
What upsets me the most (other than what happened to her) was that the legal system failed her, We all see on the news that so-and-so was arrested for murder, rape, etc. who had thirty five prior arrests. How many is enough. The criminal won’t stop and will our system ever learn.
Sue Coletta
I feel the same way, Jordan. Shame on the DA. The poor woman lived through a horrific ordeal, and then our legal system refused to at least get her justice. It’s a sad but all-too-familiar story. You’re right. How many is enough? is the question the courts should be asking.
TJ Shipley
Jordan – Thank you and I agree. You hit the nail on the head on it’s what still bothers me the most today. I regularly read of legal interpretations that keep the legal system from applying justice. Too many courts and judges apply “uncommon” sense to trials to stretch the recognizable boundaries of right and wrong. Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., said it best to a young lawyer. “Young man, let me remind you that this is a court of law and not a court of justice.”
Margot Kinberg
Thank you both for this powerful personal story. And I salute your friend, who was tough and strong enough to want to prosecute, and who put her life back together despite what happened to her. I give you credit for using your own pain to do some good, instead of to make your friend bear your burdens, if that makes sense.
Sue Coletta
Makes perfect sense to me, Margot. Well said.
TJ Shipley
Margot, your comments are appreciated more than you know. Thank you.
David Liscio
Great guest commentary. I hope lots of women read it and understand how important it is to protect yourself with whatever weapons are available.
Sue Coletta
I do, too, David. There’s no such thing as “fighting dirty” when our life is at stake.
Got your email. I’m writing a post for the Kill Zone (tomorrow is my day), so I’ll shoot you a reply in the a.m. 😉 Looking forward to our signing!
TJ Shipley
Great point David. I wish more people, including martial artists, realized that anything that can be used as a weapon is a force multiplier (sometimes I slip back into my military jargon).
There are many Law Enforcement officers well trained in martial arts, but when fighting against a knife openhanded almost always end up injured, requiring stitches as a minimum. Any professional will always tell you picking up an object (bag, trash can lid, a branch, ice scraper, your belt, etc…) to use as a weapon instead of using your body (which breaks easier than people think) is better in any real self-defense scenario. Hitting an arm holding a knife with any blunt object is preferable to trying to take it away barehanded. Sometimes people forget that in self-defense you aren’t trying to win the fight, you are trying to end the ability of your attacker to harm you so you can get away.